One lesson trumps another 

(I'm not talking Donald, either)

I am going to turn 42 this year of 2016. In my lifetime I have been witness to numerous movements in the right directions as a society. However, last night I was informed that society hasn’t come as far as I naively thought it had.

In this day and age men and women fill the high school administrative role. Our school’s conference has gone from having one female high school principal to now four. I have seen this as great progress.

Working high school athletic events poses challenges for me. I am accustomed to helping coach our young people in knowing the line between good and bad sportsmanship. Coaching adults in the crowd always baffles me.

For the first time in my six years as a high school principal I had to escort an adult out of a sporting event. Here’s where my disappointment comes in. I approached the man in a calm fashion and believe I maintained respectful tones and demeanor the entire time of my interaction. Sadly, the man nearly refused to leave.

After an exchange that of course felt longer than it actually was, my husband appears at my side. He also speaks to the man in calm tones and demeanor. Only then did this man begin to move. My insides began to burn. My naïveté was removed forever.

I may also be wrong to make an assumption against this man’s actions. My assumption for his refusal to leave was because I am a woman. I believe the message sent to the crowd, and sadly to my students, was that a man would not listen to a woman until a larger man came to support her.

As I reflect on the situation I wonder if I should have addressed the man in a different way. Should I have raised my voice? Should I have shown more of an aggressive physical presence? This goes against my grain. This is not who I am.

Throughout my life I have worked extremely hard to maintain my composure and my temper. I was trying to provide a lesson that even when people are wrong they can be treated with respect. I’m saddened that my message was trumped by old world thinking. 

Perception serves as reality for all. My reality of the situation may absolutely be skewed. I am not upset with the man as he was fueled by his emotions; he’s human.

My challenge now is to find a way to use this as a lesson for others and myself.

God blesses me with co-conspirators in success

Moments I cherish include times I’m learning from another. On the eve of turning 40 I had the pleasure of attending an Ash Wednesday service where I learned much from Pastor Lanette’s message, “In the Wilderness.” Before delivering this message she shared the scripture story of Jesus’s 40 days.

One piece that I’m still giving strong reflection to is where Satan had tempted Jesus with the being at the pinnacle of the temple and then how it applies to me.  Throughout my life I have attributed much of my own success to what I have done.  Tonight the fact that nothing has ever been done by just me struck a serious chord within my being.

My entire life I have been surrounded by others who wanted just as much, if not more, for me:

• Parents who led by example, good or bad, never waivered in their love or support for me. I have always felt their love and pride.
• A big brother who always stuck up for me, even when he didn’t agree with me
• Another brother and sister added later in my life who wanted to know me and share our families together
• Cousins who were immediate family and not extended family
• Grandparents who taught me so much in such subtle ways
• A husband who accepts me for who I really am and loves me more than I thought was possible
• Sons who fill my heart with sheer joy
• Nieces and nephews who know how to make me smile
• In-laws who have always made feel treasured and special
• Friends who chose to stand by my side and give support

 Pastor Lanette is correct. Success is not because of an individual by herself. It happens because of “who was with us, direct blessing from God, serving as co-conspirators of the good stuff.”

Forty really is an amazing number to celebrate.

Countdown is on; bring it!

What a strange place I find myself. Normally I am a well-organized, over-planned, over-stressed, over-motivated, over-sensitive, etc., person. Who am I kidding? I still am all of these things and hopefully other things not listed, but I’m striving to be more than that. 

What's odd is I'm not exactly sure what specifically I want that more to be.... therefore, it is necessary for me to reflect on this. If I don't know where I'm going, how will I know I've arrived? Time to generate goals, plans, etc. 

In less than a year I’ll be closing another decade: my 30s.  For the first time, I find myself not sure of what I want for my next decade of life. However, I do know what I want to accomplish before March 6, 2014… (it’s  one of the shortest goal lists I’ve ever had)…

By the time I’m 40…

1.     Maintain the positive relationships in my life.

*   My husband is the greatest gift I could have ever been given. My life would not be what it is had I not met him and instantly fell in love. I would not have the two EXTRAORDINARY children we have. I really don’t know how my life would have turned out had we not connected. There are greater plans than those that I set. Thank you, God!

*   My parents, siblings and their families, and in-laws are my lifelines and support. Unconditional love is an AMAZING gift. I hope I am as supportive of each of them as they have been for me.

*   I may not be the most “popular” person with the largest social circle, but I am a person who has TRUE friends. There are things these people have done for me that they’ll never realize how much of an impact it has made in shaping who I am.

2.     Create a Principal’s Podcast

*   I have wanted to do this since I became a principal. It will happen this year. I will begin work on it this summer

3.     Quit drinking Diet Coke

*   I’ve told a group of my students that as of August 14, 2013 Diet Coke will be cut out of my life. So far, I have one week under my belt.

4.     Write a blog entry each month starting June 2013

*   You’re reading this entry, but this blog allows me to tell a few of my thoughts and share a couple of reflections. THANK YOU FOR READING! I do not claim to be an expert of anything, but I, like you, have a story to tell that can only be told through me and with my perspectives. 

*  It is my hope that through this blog I can document what the more of me I will become.

5.     Get new artwork

*   Paul is not all that thrilled about this, however, he loves me and accepts me. The last couple of years the mantra I've lived by is Gandhi's "Be the change you wish to see in the world." This will be incorporated.

6.     Read two personal reading novels

*   One will be Dan Brown’s Inferno and the other will be Anne Rice’s The Wolves of Midwinter

7.     Read two professional novels

*   The Principal as Instructional Leader by Sally J. Zepeda

*   Still trying to decide which of Todd Whitaker’s books to complete: Leading School Change; Four Core Factors for School Success; or Six Types of Teachers

8.     Workout at least three times a week

*   I don’t even recognize myself any more, and yet I cannot prioritize my health. I’m hoping that if I post it to the world it’ll happen.

9.     Live an addiction free life

*   This is a lifetime goal as well. Those who know me know how important this is to me.

Every day I thank God and those who have gone before me for making me who I am. I strive to make them proud, my family proud, my community proud, and myself proud. Pride: Personal Responsibility In Determining Excellence. Believe it!

Lookin’ forward to the BIG 4-0!

Wonder-days provide many lessons

Wednesdays are my Wonder-days!  Back in April of 2010 when I was offered the position to be AHS's principal, I made a promise to my family that I would be done with work on Wednesdays by 5 PM (For those not in a school world, I offered this for Wednesdays because there are rarely any school activities on Wednesdays after 6:30 PM).  A promise I've been able to keep about 90% of the time.  This is one reason why I call Wednesdays my Wonder-days.

However, the main reason they are my Wonder-days is because it's these days that I work at my hardest role in life: Mom.

Those who know me know that motherhood was not something I EVER envisioned for myself until Paul came into my life. My life's ambition up until that point was to be a corporate attorney, which in my mind equated to loads of cash, and to never have a serious relationship, and to never have children.  Are you kidding? I had never held a newborn and quite frankly, babies terrified me.  Thank God Paul came into my life.

What's so big about Wednesdays, then? Well, for me, this is when I run my boys to whatever, I cook dinner (yes, many times I still have to call my mom to ask a cooking question), eat the meal at the dining room table, I pick up the house, put laundry away, cuddle with my family, practice many of the very archaic roles associated with the description of a "mom." Things I need constant training for!

The craziest part... Most times I love every part of it! I love that I have these moments to give to my family in these ways.  It's weird, but in some ways it makes me feel more like a mother and a wife. Why is that?

Thinking about it reminds me of a movie.  Did you ever see the 2004 Stepford Wives? One of my favorite lines comes from Glenn Close's character, Claire Wellington, "So I decided to turn back the clock, to a time before overtime, before quality time, before women were turning themselves into robots."

Wonder-days keep my priorities in check. While this isn't the life I envisioned for myself when I was 18, it is the life I was meant for.

***The picture I included for this post was to spotlight the thoughtfulness of my good friend, Mallory Robinson. I wear this apron on my Wonder-days. It's only fitting.;)

Ways I will improve my multiple facets

Reflection, it’s something I expect of so many around me. It’s only apropos that I take the time to do the same.  A very talented woman, Allison Berryhill, inspired this blog.  She has identified five ways she’ll be a better teacher for next semester. I will follow her suit but in my own way.

6 ways I will be a better principal:

1.     I will get into the classrooms more.  This is one of my favorite things of my job, however, it I don’t schedule the time it slips away.

2.     I will improve upon my communication. I do know that one cannot communicate enough, but I need to do a better job of it.  One thing I have wanted to do since I started in my new role was to have a podcast.  This will happen in second semester.

3.     I will become more positive.

4.     I will find additional ways to work with our students.  We all know that the students of today are not the students of yesterday.  I need to be better prepared on how to help our students of today and tomorrow.

5.     I will be more visible.  I need to be everywhere more. As I reflect on this last semester, I was in my office more than I should have been. Not sure why, just know I was.

6.     I will find more ways to support my teachers.  They are too important and I want them to always feel they have my support.

5 ways I will be a better wife and mother

1.     I will adhere to our original agreement of no work after 5 on Wednesdays and no work on Sundays.  This has gotten lax and I need to get it back on track.  Just because the boys are in my office at these times does not equate to their time.

2.     I will cook more than one meal every three months. Many of our local restaurants will be disappointed in this choice, but this is out of hand.  Plus, cooking is therapeutic for me, and as surprising as this is to some, I've improved greatly.

3.     I need to read more with the boys.  I miss when I would read to them before bed. 

4.     I need to help with keeping up with the house. This will equate to picking up before bed, making our bed in the morning, etc.

5.     I need to do better with communicating with Paul.  He shouldn’t learn about things from conversations I have with others.

5 ways to be a better me:

1.     I will eat healthier.

2.     I will exercise at least three times a week.

3.     I will go to bed at a more reasonable hour.

4.     I will take time to read for enjoyment.  All of my reading has been professional.

5.     I will recognize the blessings in my life.

2012 will be an amazing year.  I look forward to how I’ll be able to reflect on how I did to accomplish the aforementioned statements.

Happy New Year to one and all!

Tweaking the November Challenge

I try to express my gratitude as often as possible.  However, I’m going to take it to a public forum and share 30 things I’m thankful for.  These are in no particular order.

1.     Paul makes me a whole person.  He truly is the yin to my yang.  I hope he knows how much I adore him.

2.     Zachary and Devin make my heart smile.  I didn’t know I was capable to love as much as I love them.

3.     Beth Joy has always been my mother who I knew loved me. I am so glad that she is now my best friend.  She knows how to keep things in perspective for me.

4.     January 11, 1993. A date in history that helped turn my life in a new direction.

5.     My brother DJ has always looked out for me.  His family is a blessing.

6.     Lyle came into our lives and showed us better ways to be.

7.     My dad always tells me how proud he is of me.

8.     John and Tracy have added so much to my life.

9.     Nieces and nephews for making me smile and laugh every chance they get.

10. In-laws who always make me feel like I am where I’m supposed to be.

11. Extended family for accepting me for who I am.

12. Atlantic High School faculty is comprised of amazing teachers.  I appreciate how they never back away from challenges and truly want to do the best for our students.

13. AHS Student Council and NHS for setting great examples for our student body.

14. The AHS student body for being our students.

15. Cathy K., the queen of AHS.  She is the backbone of AHS.  I can never thank her enough for all that she does.

16. Danna and Amber for always working so hard.

17. Josh R. for helping keep things in perspective and for working to make a difference.

18. Friends for continually showing their support.

19. Our home is where I’m most comfortable.

20. Days when I can be home and cuddle with our family while watching movies.

21. The examples set by my grandparents serve as my guides to be better.

22. Twitter, where I find some great resources from others around the state and where I can share my thoughts on anything.

23. Facebook for keeping me connected to people who have left handprints on my heart.

24. Blogspot for which I wouldn’t have an avenue to share my thoughts.

25. Mr. Mendez, my third grade teacher, for recognizing that I needed more help with reading and never gave up on me.

26. Miss Shaw, my fifth grade teacher, for talking to me with respect and for expecting more from me.

27. Those who invested in making me be better than I imagined I could be. I work to make all proud, myself included.

28. People who work to make the world a better place.

29. The Big Bang Theory creators for making a show that helps take my mind off of things.

30. My life experiences because it is through these that I have become who I am and continue to grow to be.

Through a son's eyes

One role that I never knew how I'd be was my most important role, a mom.  Growing up I never was one of those girls who couldn't wait to get married and have children of her own.  In fact that thought only even began after I met the most amazing man, now my husband and best friend.

Our sons are quite remarkable.  We are extremely blessed.

Something that we started to do a couple of years ago was the keeping of special things they say or do.  Z and D love hearing what we record in their books.  The last entry in D's book is probably going to be one of the entries I will love hearing.

We were cuddling on the couch watching a program when a Victoria's Secret commercial came on.  D guffawed at the women in their underwear, and I said, "They're beautiful and look healthy."

D asked, "You think they are pretty?"

"Yes, I do."

Then the most amazing thing sprang from his lips, "I think you're prettier than they are."

He has no idea how that statement will live with me forever.  I hope he always sees me with so much love in his eyes.